Former President, Current Moron

The other night I was flipping through the channels on TV and I stumbled on to a sad, sad sight. Jimmy Carter was on Larry King Live. The collective age of the two men on screen was recently sent to NASA to calculate. King was asking his fellow fossil on everything from the war in Iraq to the upcoming presidential election. I would pay serious money for anyone to show me why I should give a crap about what Jimmy Carter has to say about anything. Does anyone remember any of the things he accomplished during his time on Pennsylvania Avenue? No. No one does, because those things don’t exist. He spent most of his political career with his mouth writing checks his backside couldn’t cash. So he leaves office and builds a couple of houses and we should give him some kind of Peace Prize? MC Hammer built a house and soon gave it to someone else. I don’t see anyone showering him with praise. Maybe Larry King should be interviewing Hammer, I would rather hear what he has to say about the Iraq war than Bozo the ex-president. For that matter I would rather hear what Billy Carter has to say about current events. (Jimmy and Billy, what the hell kind of parents do that to their kids? They were probably too poor or inbred to figure out birth control or abortions so the just decided to make their kids’ life miserable by giving them names that are better suited for dogs.)
Jimmy Carter, you suck.

One more thing, is Larry King even alive anymore? What are those suspenders connected to? When was the last time any of you saw him out from behind that desk? I submit to you that he is a robot made to look like the late Larry King. A crappy looking robot too. They ran out of money before the skin was put on so they just slopped together some silly putty and threw some dime store glasses on it.
Larry King, you sucked when you were alive and your robot replacement sucks now.
America, you don’t suck, daddy loves you.