Do you belive in miracles? You don't need to anymore.

I think many people would agree with me when I say that sports are some of the greatest things in the world. Seeing as its March, I can barely wait for one of the greatest sports spectacles in the world, the NCAA tournament. One could talk for hours about the action and edge-of-your-seat excitement that the tournament provides for basketball fans all over the world. If that wasn’t enough, this year the whole world will turn its eyes to the city of Beijing, for the Summer Olympics. Now, America, I like the Olympics. I really do. But, there is something about it that really bothers me. I would love for someone to explain to me why the United States does not win every single gold medal in every single event in the games.
We are the richest country in the world. We have all kinds of resources, and we have all the technology we need to assist our athletes. We should be using all of our available resources to make our athletes better. We should use the Olympics to establish our dominance over the other stupid countries in the world. Which stupid countries you ask? All of them. The USSR was once a huge international sports power. They accomplished this by forcing young children to practice their sport all day every day. By the time they grew up, they were incredible. WHY AREN’T WE DOING THIS? I know that some of you liberal losers might say that something like that would be unfair and almost cruel to the young children. To them I ask where is your pride? I think we should go a little farther than that. We should force famous athletes to procreate. Then, when the child is born they become property of the United States Government. And we use tax dollars to train these kids to become superhuman sport machines. No cost is too great, and no we do not need to raise taxes to do this. We have all kinds of crappy government funded programs that are no longer necessary. (i.e. Medicare, Medicaid, No Child Left Behind, The EPA) I mean so many of us pay through the nose for all of these programs and we don’t see any of the return from it. Why not spend this money on something we can all enjoy? For example, the USA stomping the daylights out of Morocco in the decathlon, or beating the crap out of Russia in Greco Roman Wrestling. I don’t care what it takes. I want to see the Stars and Stripes hoisted above all the other flags in every single medal ceremony in the Chinese games and every game from here on out. Even and especially the sports that no one cares about, like rhythmic gymnastics. We should be sending the message to the rest of the world that they aren’t better than us at anything. They can have their steroids and performance enhancing drugs, we have money. I want to see a sprinter turning around just before he crosses the finish line of the 100 meter race, and mocking the other sprinters that aren’t as fast. (You’re going to have to try harder than that world!)
One more thing, I think we should be using wind tunnel technology for everything. Regardless of whether it has an application to that sport or not. If the rest of the weak, useless international sports world sees our athletes in a wind tunnel they are going to crap their collective pants. They are going to think, ‘why is that gymnast in a wind tunnel, she is only 14 years old.’ They will automatically think that we are on to something awesome. Wind tunnels and money, that is the key to Olympic gold. As always America, its ok if you don’t agree with me, you would just be wrong. Stupid and wrong.