The Most Important Tidbits You Will Ever Read

In my tireless effort to educate and inspire you, America, my team of researchers and I have assembled some the most important and ground breaking research you will ever read. So get ready, take notes and pay attention.

90% of Americans own waffle maker.

The Oscar Myer Weenie Mobile took 35 years to build. Nine workers died during its construction.

Former President Jimmy Carter’s middle name is Louise.

Michael Jordan was the winner of the 1989 Mexican Presidential election, he was written in by over 189,000 Mexican voters. Jordan politely declined the nomination.

In May of 1958 Chubby Checker was arrested in Rhode Island on suspicion of Twisting. It was rumored that he was Twisting similar to the way he did the previous summer. (Twisting was, at the time, a felony in 35 states.)

Part of Martin Luther King’s dream included men’s socks sold two pair for the price of one.

Walt Disney was a member of a white supremacist organization called the White Knights. While they were a non-violent group they are responsible for the vast majority of accepted racial slurs in the English language.

Recent studies have shown that Swiss cheese is the best kind of cheese.

Every third baby born in the world grows up to be a total jerk.

Another recent study has proven that The Luvre in Paris is boring, and a waste of money.

Ronald Regan’s last act as president of the United States was to issue a Presidential Pardon to Ozzy Osborne for ’accidentally’ biting the head off of a bald eagle. Regan is a huge fan of the song Crazy Train.


There you go America. Consider yourself informed.