How Can I Focus on the State of the Union Address With Old Nasty Sitting Right Behind GW?

It shouldn’t come as a surprise to you that I am a big news buff. I like to stay well informed and up-to-date on current events. The other day while watching a story on the 2008 Presidential Election, my attention was drawn to someone. Michelle Obama. She is seriously hot. She looks dignified and respectable, but she could bring a grown man to his knees with those curves. This made my heart glad. For far too long we have suffered ugo after ugo up on the hill. I love American politics and I love American women. That being said, for as long as this great nation has been around, women politicians have been far too ugly for how great this country is. Let’s dig deeper, shall we?
Going back in time we can see many notable women in history. And for the most part, they have all been real homely looking. Susan B. Anthony? Good grief she was ugly. What was it again that she did? I can’t remember either. I can’t get passed that overbite. Martha Washington? Let’s just say that her husband’s false teeth would have been a major improvement for this old windbag. Mary Todd Lincoln? This trick was ugly and crazy. I mean good ‘ol Honest Abe was lucky he got iced when he did, she was on the one-way train to the Crazytown.
Now I can hear you liberals getting all emotional and bleedy-hearty, saying crap like ‘that was a long time ago, King Conor everyone was ugly back then’. While that isn’t true I am willing to play your game. Let’s talk about some of the unpleasant looking women of today. One can hardly say the phrase ‘unpleasant women of today’, without immediately thinking of the former-First Lady and current presidential candidate, Hillary Rodham Clinton. Honestly, is there anyone in the free world who can blame Bill for fooling around with the heavy-set intern? She was no prize herself but compared to Hillary, she should be walking a catwalk somewhere. Someone do me a favor and stuff HRC back in the closet she came from. Hopefully she will choke on one of the pant-suits that are in there and we won’t have to deal with her or her stupid theories on socialized medicine any more.
If Hillary were alone in her long fall from the ugly tree, our economy probably wouldn’t be so bad. Alas, she is not. One of her fiercest competitors in the Miss Ugly Politician Pageant is Madame Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi. Nancy is one of the dumpiest-looking ugos ever to grace the District of Columbia.
Now I would be remiss if I didn’t illustrate the fact that not all of the fine ladies in our country’s political history were disgusting wastes. May I mention one of Pennsylvania Avenue’s hottest dames ever, Jacqueline Kennedy-Onasis. JFK was not only a drunk, but incredibly stupid to have ever fooled around with Marilyn Monroe, when he had the Petty Coat Junction right in the Lincoln Bedroom waiting for him. A close second, to Mrs. Kennedy-Onasis would have to be Eleanor Roosevelt. She basically ran the joint while her husband was sick, if that isn’t hot, I don’t know what is.
Now why can’t more political women be more like Michelle Obama or Jacqueline Kennedy-Onasis? Not to mention John McCain’s wife. (I don’t know her name either, but man is she an upgrade to that old jalopy he had before.) She is hot. I didn’t know if that was his wife or his daughter the first time I saw her. If his years of service to this country weren’t enough to convince you to vote for him, then the chance to see that dame at more state vents and presidential parties should be all the reason you need to put an ‘x’ next to Old J McC’s name. So vote this November, America. And do us all a favor and vote for someone with a hot wife.