One Day You Could Be President

A lot of people know that the President of the United States, George W. Bush has a very colorful past. Before becoming president he was the Governor of the state of Texas. For much of his life he struggled with alcoholism. However the most embarrassing part of his past is the fact that while attending Yale University, he was a cheerleader. The most powerful man in the free world, and the leader of this country was a male cheerleader. Now, this might seem surprising or odd and maybe even a little embarrassing. Embarrassing? Yes. Surprising? Hardly. A close inspection of this country's fine history will show that many of our presidents had or have embarrassing, and even disgraceful pasts. These facts are frequently swept under the rug of time, but I will bring them to light and shake you awake, America.
Before becoming president, Gerald Ford was a known and respected drug dealer. He was known as The White Flash on the streets of Brooklyn. Several years before he started his political career, Bill Clinton was arrested for stalking Gladys Knight. His Vice-President Al Gore was arrested for a similar offense. He was caught in the bushes outside the house of Pop Star Micheal Jackson. (I don't get it either.)
Dan Quayle was never elected president, but he sure was a moonshine runner before his political career. Martin Van Buren? Famous pimp. We all know Ronald Regan was an actor, but he was also quite the player on the cross-dressing night club scene. Rita Regan anyone?
I don't bring this all up to drag the names of former leaders of this country through the mud. I love America. I bring this up to show that, no matter who you are or what you have done in the past you can grow up to one day declare war on other countries, mess up the economy, and make about half of the country hate you. Isn't America great? It makes want to sing that retarded song about at least knowing I'm free. What's that song called? Oh forget it. I'll just sing "Why Can't We be Friends."