Beethoven could hear pretty well actually.

On a recent trip to the grocery store, I circled the parking lot a few times in order to find somewhere to park while I get a few items. Per usual, there were only a few spots available and they were reserved for handicapped persons. I finally found a spot and walked in the direction of the entrance. As I approached, I past the afore-mentioned handicapped parking spots. Just then, a car pulled into the normally empty spots and a young man hopped out and when jogging into the store. At first I thought this young man was parked illegally. Then I noticed that he had a handicapped sticker on his car. Needless to say, this pissed me off. What kind of person lies about being handicapped? Or what kind of world do we live in when a perfectly capable young man qualifies for handicapped? It really makes me wonder if anyone is handicapped at all, or more importantly, should anyone be handicapped? If you liberals really belive in evolution, then no one in the world should get any kind of special help for not having the use of your legs. That might just be nature's way of saying 'sorry charlie, you're done'. For you white trash out there, cousin Jimmy who lost his legs in the ATV accident just might be so helpless afterall. Mabybe it's time for Jimmy to get off his skateboard and let nature run its course.
I can just hear your bleeding hearts out there saying that this post is not politically correct. Do me a favor and go tell someone who cares.
On a related note, anyone who tells you that Global Warming is a real problem, is a liar, a theif and should not be trusted. I want Al Gore to come clean the six inches of snow off my car everytime i go outside. Let's see that fat, energy-wasting hypocrite win an Oscar for that. Al Gore sucks. So does Tipper Gore, Bill Mahr, Al Franken, Sean Hannity, and color comentator for theUtah Jazz, Ron Boone.

One Day You Could Be President

A lot of people know that the President of the United States, George W. Bush has a very colorful past. Before becoming president he was the Governor of the state of Texas. For much of his life he struggled with alcoholism. However the most embarrassing part of his past is the fact that while attending Yale University, he was a cheerleader. The most powerful man in the free world, and the leader of this country was a male cheerleader. Now, this might seem surprising or odd and maybe even a little embarrassing. Embarrassing? Yes. Surprising? Hardly. A close inspection of this country's fine history will show that many of our presidents had or have embarrassing, and even disgraceful pasts. These facts are frequently swept under the rug of time, but I will bring them to light and shake you awake, America.
Before becoming president, Gerald Ford was a known and respected drug dealer. He was known as The White Flash on the streets of Brooklyn. Several years before he started his political career, Bill Clinton was arrested for stalking Gladys Knight. His Vice-President Al Gore was arrested for a similar offense. He was caught in the bushes outside the house of Pop Star Micheal Jackson. (I don't get it either.)
Dan Quayle was never elected president, but he sure was a moonshine runner before his political career. Martin Van Buren? Famous pimp. We all know Ronald Regan was an actor, but he was also quite the player on the cross-dressing night club scene. Rita Regan anyone?
I don't bring this all up to drag the names of former leaders of this country through the mud. I love America. I bring this up to show that, no matter who you are or what you have done in the past you can grow up to one day declare war on other countries, mess up the economy, and make about half of the country hate you. Isn't America great? It makes want to sing that retarded song about at least knowing I'm free. What's that song called? Oh forget it. I'll just sing "Why Can't We be Friends."

Sacagewea was a drug dealer

When are we going to start honoring the real heroes of this country's great past? One of the biggest honors one can receive the world around is having your image on some sort of currency. Here in America we got off to a good start homeboys like Washington, Lincoln, and even Hamilton was a pretty good choice. Pretty soon the jerks in the treasury got creative and starting putting everyone and their dog and some kind of currency. Now we have JFK (drunk) on the half-dollar. (What the hell is a half-dollar anyway?) Susan B. Anthony (whore) is on the dollar that looks like a quarter. Try putting one of those bad boys in a vending machine and see what happens. Sacagewea (drug dealer, whore) has her own special gold dollar coin. Good, that is what we all need is more coins rattling around in our pockets, now we don't have to held captive by the ancient ideas of just losing a few pennies in couches and at movie theaters. Now we can all lose $6.50 every time we sit down. Now maybe we can all get coin purses and be as gay as europeans. When I was little I always told my mom that when i grow up I want to be a smelly, snooty Frenchman. Thanks Sacagewea for leading those two jerks through the forest.



Also the latest phenominon is having quarters that are designed to honor each one of our fifty states. That is also a banner idea. I couldn't sleep the other night because i was so worried that no inbred rednecks from Alabama will be able to dictate what goes on our quarters. I can't wait to see what is on Alaska's quarter: 'Come to Alaska and kill yourself because it's dark all the time'.

Let's get some real currency. Evil Kanievel should be on a dollar. When was the last time JFK jumped over a bunch of school busses that were on fire on his motorcycle? Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy's should be on a 99 cent peice to hnor his finest invention, the 99 cent value menu. Last but certainly not least, Superman should be on some kind of bill, like the ten or something. I know he isn't real but he is way cooler than peices of crap like Ulysses S. Grant (he is on the $50 bill for those of you in Mississippi). Just because money is the root of all evil, doesn't mean it has to look stupid.